Jurassic Park IVShort Version
by ESM
Summary: Tagline: Some Dinosaurs Have Wings. Very short. Please R&R. Rating is for "beeps" and typical JP violence. Hey, my brother believed it!


NO, I don't own it. I don't I don't I don't. DON'T SUE!!!! This was actually something I dreamed up when I heard that there was going to be a Jurassic Park 4. The only reason I still remember it is because I told my 13 year old brother this story, and he believed it. And told all his 13yearold cousins. And they believed it.

Yeah, he was pretty embarrassed when I told him I didn't think it was the real script. ::evil cackle::

Jurassic Park4

Shortened Version. (There is no longer version, really...)

Tagline: Some Dinosaurs Have Wings.

(Film opens to a female TV reporter with a microphone and other news equipment, her back to a hotel's front entrance. View looks to be shot through the actual TV camera.)

Female TV Reporter: "...And so the happy couple are honeymooning in the Haunted Hotel. The Hotel is closed to the public for the duration of Lex and Billy Brennan's stay, but I doubt the ghosts will heed the signs...what the [beep]?"

(The camera falls to the ground. BLACKSCREEN. Screaming is heard.)

(Cut to sickly John Hammond's bedroom in San Francisco, with a grand view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Lex, Tim, Grant, Malcolm, Billy and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger are standing around his bed.)

Lex: (yelling) Senility hit you years ago, Grandpa!

Billy: It's all your fault our honeymoon is wrecked!

Hammond: I'm so--

Grant: I TOLD you not to PLAY GOD! And what did you do? YOU PLAYED GOD! I told you, and it's not gonna be ME who gets everybody out of trouble this time. Oh no. I'm not about to Try, Try Again to get myself KILLED!

Hammond: I don't reme—

Arnold: Hey! I ave an ob-li-ga-tion to the people uf dis state! I can't say, "Hey, solve da problem yourself!", now!

Malcolm: I told you long ago, Hammond, to blow up those [BEEP] islands! Now the dinosaurs don't need stupid humans to bring them to mainland.

Hammond: I'm so--

Tim: (Looking out the window) We're kinda high up, aren't we?

Billy: Hey, I have an idea!

(Tim starts moaning. Malcolm and Grant look out the window. Pan to see half a dozen pterosaurs alighting on the Bridge, creating an amount of chaos Malcolm should be proud of.)

Grant: Oh, God.

(Everybody else notices the dinosaurs)

Lex: (screaming) Grandpa, don't you go doing anything stupid! You'll get yourself killed!

Hammond: Bu—

(Billy grabs his screaming wife by the hand and drags her to the door)

Grant: (yelling) What's your idea, Billy?

Billy: (over his shoulder) Goo!

Tim, Malcolm and Grant run after Billy, who's still dragging his wife. Arnold pauses to call up the military; only he can't remember whom to call, so he picks up a phone book. He finally dials 911.)

(Cut to Golden Gate Bridge. A small army of people-namely Tim, Lex, Billy, Grant and Malcolm, approach with buckets. They duck while the military shoots at the pterosaurs with disturbing inaccuracy. One pterosaur is fatally wounded and falls into the bay, it's splash swamping the boats. The other five decide to take a tour of the city. Billy stands up.)

Billy: Now!

(The five rush to the bridge, enlist the help of the 5 cable painters-each of dominantly either Asian, African, Caucasian, or Native American heritage-- and begin spreading goo over the cables where the pterosaurs had recently been resting.)

Tim: (moaning) I don't like trees.

Lex: This isn't a TREE, stupid. It's a BRIDGE.

Tim: Not much difference in height.

Grant: (yelling to Billy) This sure was a great idea of yours!

Billy: Thanks!

(Malcolm looks up, then at Billy, then up, then shouts to Billy)

Malcolm: Hey, are we done yet?

Billy: No, are you kidding? We just started!

Malcolm: Are you sure?

Billy: Of course I'm sure. Why?

Malcolm: Is that your final answer?

Billy: Look, what's the matt—

(Billy looks up. A screech from the returning pterosaurs startles the others. Two of the cable painters lose their balance, fall, and grab onto the newly gooed cables. Their screams make the other three panic. One starts to crawl the wrong way, and gets stuck in the goo. The other two try to get away. The dino veterans look on in pity and silence, as the pterosaurs nab the five moving, screaming cable painters and fly away.)

Malcolm: I see they don't discriminate because of race.

Tim: Where are they going?

Billy: Probably back to their nests. Feed the kids. They'll be back. Let's finish up here.

Grant: We have visitors.

(A wave of people carrying signs moves onto the bridge.)

Mob's signs and chants: Don't hurt nature! Terosores are people too! Protect the endangered birds! Guns kill! We need the Dinosaurs to survive!

(Malcolm and Grant exchange cynical glances.)

Malcolm: Hey, look on the bright side. We get our own protesters!

Billy: That's a bright side?

Grant: I don't know. Come on, let's get done with this mess of goo and get down. (Sighing) I never liked heights.

(One gooed bridge, two car/pterosaur chases, 18 deaths, many pterosaurs and one national emergency later, the five are back in Hammond's room)

Malcolm: So, what else can we do, now that Billy's-gooed-pterosaur Inc. has succeeded in drowning two flying dinos AND both San Francisco bridges?

Lex: (hotly) He was only trying to help!

Malcolm: No kidding, babe.

(Billy hisses.)

Hammond: If you would only let me go talk to them—

Grant: Are you nuts? What good is talking?

Hammond: (modestly) Well, back when I was playing God, I did hatch many of these creatures myself. Especially in the pterosaur family, mother/child bonds are amazingly strong. And also...

(Hammond takes a package from his bedside table, and hands it to Malcolm, who stares at it)

Hammond: Go on, open it!

(Malcolm obeys, lifts up a small cassette labeled "pt-speak"

Lex: What is it?

Tim: It's a cassette, Miss Digital.

Lex: (annoyed) I know what it is, I just don't know what it IS.

Hammond: (chuckling) While we were raising the pterosaurs, we took special care to study their language, and this is the fruit of that labor. Perhaps you have heard of Joe Nicholson, the bird expert?

Billy: Legendary for his ability to interpret and mimic birdcalls? He made this tape?

Hammond: The same. The first couple of calls on that tape mean, "There's trouble at the nest" and "danger here". Those should wor—

(Billy suddenly snatches the cassette, grabs a startled Lex by the hand, and heads for the door.)

Grant: Billy?

Billy: I have another idea!

Malcolm: Um...um...uh, is it a GOOD idea...?

(Cut to Golden Gate Park. Billy mans a giant boom box with the cassette. He turns to Lex before pushing play.)

Billy: Hey baby. Remember that honeymoon we were trying to have when all this happened?

Lex: Vaguely.

Billy: Well, I have another idea for us.

Lex: Ummm...

Billy: Do you trust me?

Lex: I guess so.

(Billy throws a big backpack on, and hands one to Lex. Malcolm, Grant and Tim look on in stunned silence.

Billy: Good. Cover your ears, folks!

(The boom box emits deafening pterosaur cries. The pterosaurs respond, most by flying away from the city to their nests. Two, however, hop over to the park to get enough room to spread their wings. Billy quickly lassos one, grabs a VERY startled Lex, and manages to mount the dinosaur's back before it gets off the ground. People all over the city see that the birdies have left and start cheering. Grant sighs.

Grant: There the lovers go, into the sunset riding the pterosaur.

Malcolm: (sarcastically) How romantic. They'll never live to tell the tale.

(The pair packs up the boom box, and turn to go, only to find Tim has fainted.)

THE END

A/N: I sure hope I spelled pterosaur right.... 


End file.
